On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
how drunk are you?
Several
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
