Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
