You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
