he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
