Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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