so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
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