they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
