my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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