I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
