tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
