he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
