what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
