I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
