Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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