haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
