Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
