Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
