I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
