I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
