How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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