thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
