PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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