I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
