Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
