My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You were trust falling into bushes
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
