did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
