Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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