dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
