Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
