He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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