I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
