so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
