I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
