I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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