I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
