my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
