dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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