plz talk dirty to me
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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