you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
