she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
