Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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