'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
