I can tuck mytits in my pants
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
