The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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