STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
