I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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