well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
