I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
