Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
