I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
