Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
